miss kate hardcastle

Back in August in the midst of all the workplace nonsense - a sort of haphazard redistricting of responsibilities - my new boss (formerly my colleague) and I had a tough conversation about communication. We both were aware that in all the change our ability to communicate easily with one another was suffering. This had been one of my major concerns about the new structure; up to this point we had been wonderfully, happily collaborative peers. Now we were boss and subordinate.

In the course of this conversation we covered a lot of ground, and, at least from my point of view, not all of it was legitimate territory. One of the criticisms which came my way was that sometimes I am condescending. To which I replied, “That’s not always a bad thing.” My boss, “Umm, yeah it is.”

Now, I've heard variations on this theme since early childhood. I have variously been described as condescending, arrogant, aggressive, know-it-all, stuck up, and a bitch. This last was mostly during my teen years; I don’t miss high school. I've also been described as confident, assured, self-possessed, intelligent, and a natural leader and teacher. Often, but not always, by the same people who employ the less positive-sounding phrases.

Yesterday my boss and I were talking again. Just to be clear, while the previous conversation was difficult, it did a lot to clear the air and we've been working together well ever since. We have had occasional flare-ups, but nothing insurmountable. In the course of our conversation yesterday she brought up her previous comment about condescension. Having reflected more on the subject she has determined that what she perceives as condescension is really just me being right. That it is her ego getting in the way which colors how she receives questions and information from me.

To my mind, what would be truly patronizing is me agreeing with her and reveling in this exchange. In reality, my actual response was, “No, no, no. I’m not always right. Don’t persuade yourself that I am.” This dynamic too easily becomes a loaded weapon and it’s not one I care to shoulder, thank you very much.

Unfortunately for my boss she inherited with her new position a tremendous amount of long-standing friction between departments and, in some cases, between colleagues, much of which has, thankfully, died down over the last several months. However, she was previously out-of-the-loop in a lot of these tensions, so being confronted with the depth of them has caught her off-guard. She finds herself in constant mediation of workplace squabbles which draw her attention away from the mountainous workload we carry. We are all, every one of us, feeling the strain of long hours and too much work. Certainly, neither she nor I is exempt from this.

The only way we’re going to get through it is if we work together. We all know it, still we all find it hard to do. There is all the bad history to overcome, all the better communication practices we need to learn, and all the ego of which each of us needs to let go. Our work is fundamentally collaborative and when we shortcut the process of working together, not only does the product suffer so does the environment in which we work. We all have to begin on a level playing field. We have to find the lowest common denominator from which we can expand our process. Together we must let go of our lofty sense of who each of us is and come down to that place where we can meet as equals.

In short, we must condescend.

cutlery

A new phrase quickly making its way into our workplace lingo is, "May I borrow your fruit knife?" This phrase is understood to be code for, "I'm about to stick a shiv in someone."

The variant, "Where is your fruit knife?", often expelled in duple iterations, is likewise understood to take on the slightly more emphatic meaning, "Seriously, I'm about to cut the bitch."

The quick rise in usage is seen to have a correlation in the popularity of summer stone fruit among staff and a general sense of unrest.

There is some expectation that use of these catchy new phrases will taper off as autumnal fruits come into season.

My thanks to John and Katie Koellen for providing said knife as a holiday gift to staff. I have found it comes in quite handy.

paradise

I think I may have found the most wonderful place on earth.

When you come to visit, I'll take you there.

just pict

This post is solely for the purpose of making Lit jealous.



And then, just rub it in.



And, finally...



Mmmmm...veggies...

for the record

I have discovered that as weird and twitchy and anxiety ridden as I become when massive amounts of snow fall from the sky and pile up all around me trapping me indoors, that is NOTHING compared with how nuts I get when massive amounts of snow fall from the sky and pile up all around me trapping me indoors while a former president is whisked away to the hospital with chest pains the week before Ash Wednesday. Just sayin'. For the record. Not a happy feeling.

I made it to work today and Bill went home, so all is now right with the world. Pippa has passed. Please do not scare me like that again.

weather update

I usually envy my neighbors who, thanks to winds, direction, and position in the building, get bigger snowdrifts than I piling up on their balcony rails. Let's be clear, I hate the snow but I can be both greedy and competitive. Today, however, I actually have a drift ON my balcony, not just on the ledge. I consider this a victory in my favor. Mock me if you must.

I'm also very aware today of the cracks in my concrete balcony. What kind of severe temperatures and snow buildup could my balcony withstand before simply snapping in two and disappearing down the side of the building? I'm on the sixteenth floor, so an avalanche scenario is not completely out of the question. And, without the balcony, there would be no need to get all worked up about the drifts.

snow days

I hate snow. I mean, I really hate snow. It is evil and will do its level best to ruin your life. I hate snow. People think I'm exaggerating when I talk about my intense loathing for snow, but I'm not. I hate it. It's occasionally attractive in a photo or painting, but it doesn't have a frame around it snow is awful.

We had ghastly amounts of snow here at the end of last week and over the weekend. So much so that the plows haven't been able to keep up with the snowfall and some roads still haven't been cleared. Thousands of people are without power. The feds, and schools, and a lot of businesses have been closed since last Friday. Now it's snowing again. We anticipate maybe another ten inches before morning. AAAARGH!!!!

I had to go in to work today. I didn't drive; I took the bus--a 90 minute trip each way. On a nice day I can walk it in 45. I hate snow. The roads are a mess and the sidewalks are even worse. Thanks to the snow, I spent the entire day with my stomach in knots trying to get four days worth of work done in six hours and then get back home before nightfall when you have no hope of seeing the icy patches on the path in front of you. I'm jittery and freaked out and desperately want some cookies to distract me from being jittery and freaked out, but there's no way in heck I'm leaving my apartment now that I've made it home and I know I wouldn't even be able to taste cookies (what with being all jittery and freaked out) and would just snarf the entire package of cookies without even thinking about it. This is why I don't keep cookies in the house.

However, I may need to start keeping tranquilizers in the house. You know, for the snow days.