cutlery

A new phrase quickly making its way into our workplace lingo is, "May I borrow your fruit knife?" This phrase is understood to be code for, "I'm about to stick a shiv in someone."

The variant, "Where is your fruit knife?", often expelled in duple iterations, is likewise understood to take on the slightly more emphatic meaning, "Seriously, I'm about to cut the bitch."

The quick rise in usage is seen to have a correlation in the popularity of summer stone fruit among staff and a general sense of unrest.

There is some expectation that use of these catchy new phrases will taper off as autumnal fruits come into season.

My thanks to John and Katie Koellen for providing said knife as a holiday gift to staff. I have found it comes in quite handy.