kiss and tell

I was home on vacation recently and spent some time (not enough) hanging out with good friends. While I enjoyed all of the conversations with my friends, there was conversation that stood out from the rest. Because I love putting the screws to my friends, I will share the highlights with you. Names will be withheld to protect the guilty.

-- my soon-to-be-40 bachelor friend recognizes he's lonely and wants to "build a home"; jury is still out on whether this is a literal or figurative home

-- he most recently dated a 22-year-old

-- she blew him off shortly after he clarified their age difference

-- he makes the mistake of bitching to me about how she never returned phones calls, emails, etc.

-- I point out this is what we call "KARMA" and that I've lost track of the number of times he's failed to return phone calls and emails, backed out of plans at the last minute, or failed to show up after making plans

-- we discuss the error of dating inappropriately young women

-- we discuss the avoidance techniques he's been employing for years to evade eligible women (total denial and obliviousness to this on his part)

-- I point out that his friends would be more than happy to set him up; he says he has no local friends

-- I point out that women get nervous about men who can't sustain friendships; it suggests they can't sustain any OTHER kind of relationship either

-- I reiterate how he's failed to return phone calls and emails, breaks dates, and stands people up; his friends have been victims of this for years

-- he entertains the notion of cultivating a "bad boy" persona in order to attract women

-- I point out that he's already enough of a jackass without making that his primary selling point

-- we discuss creating an image of stability; he sold his house last year and moved into a garage apartment (I pointed out at the time that this would be a red flag for most women)

-- I stress his pattern of dating women who are inherently unsuitable: too young (22 for God's sake?!?!?!?!), live too far away, he won't take them home to mother, etc.

-- he explains that he didn't exactly "date" the 22-year-old; they made out a few times after playing spin-the-bottle at a cast party

-- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- we discuss the advisability of getting dating advice from a mutual friend

-- I discreetly decline to discuss our mutual friend's own dating dilemmas; if nothing else, those two will bolster one another up

Seriously, I'm sorry to see a friend in a less than happy state, but I've got to shake my head over some the truly bonehead moves I've been witness to in this case. And while this recounting will suggest a less than attractive man, to those unfamiliar with my buddy, this is not the case. I've known women and men both to swoon and go starry-eyed at their first encounter with him. I recall having been at a reception a few years ago and watching him cut a swath through the gathering with a woman trailing at his heels like a well-trained pup. He never even turned his head her way as she followed him out the door. I turned to the woman standing next to me, who had witnessed the same event and remarked on the pathetic nature of the encounter. She agreed and then asked me if he was seeing anyone.

So, if you're of legal age and interested in meeting a frustrated, withholding introvert who claims he MIGHT be ready to change his ways, let me hear from you. I know just the guy!

DISCLAIMER: I have no room to talk. My romantic life is even more pathetic.

2008 Mississippi Conference on Church Music and Liturgy: Transforming Your World as Performer

I was asked to write a blogpost for a conference I attended last week. I'm double dipping by posting it here as well, so that you guys can know what I've been up to.



Although it was the last full day of the Conference, the day opened just as the others had begun. The morning people bouncing into the dining hall at seven-thirty on the dot for breakfast; the rest of us tearing ourselves reluctantly from our beds and sluggishly joining them in a steady stream in search of sustenance and coffee. We made our way to Gray Chapel for Morning Prayer, the last of the daily offices we’d share this week and prepared for another hard day of work.

Let no one fool you. The Mississippi Conference is hard work. The days are long and joyful and filled with challenge. In our ongoing discussion of the roles we play as musicians and liturgists, today we examined our call to be performers. Here was a discussion in which everyone had two cents to add to the pot. Some accept the title of performer reluctantly, a word used in the world of entertainment where the relationship exists between performer and audience and leaves no room for God. Others feel quite strongly that performer is a right and correct word for their role in worship, but stress that the performance is for God and not for the gathered. All agreed, I think, that the performance of worship is the group effort of all those present and active in worship, such that when the appreciative parishioner says to the soloist on Sunday morning, “I really enjoyed your performance,” the sincere reply may come, “Thank you. I enjoyed yours too.”

One outstanding question lingered after our spirited conversation: What is the definition of perform? I admit I looked it up; I have an ongoing love affair with words. According to Merriam-Webster, the etymology of the word comes to modern English from Middle English via Anglo-French which derives from the Latin per (thoroughly) + furnir (to complete or equip). I suspect the contemporary usage of performer as presenter-- that is one who merely gives a rendition rather than as one who wholly fulfills the act of worship-- is where we find our divergent responses to the word. Whether we view sacred performance as the full completion of liturgical acts, or as the thorough equipping of God’s people for their call to transform the world, or both, I’m left believing that the role and title of performer is one we must each embrace wholeheartedly.

I suspect that it was with deliberate intent that the morning’s exchange of ideas regarding performance was the precursor to the evening’s cabaret. The Rose Hill Cabaret (Back from exile!) is a much loved and highly anticipated penultimate act of the Conference. All of the conferees, staff, and faculty are invited to supply a bit of entertainment. Not everyone chooses to perform, but no one chooses to miss the cabaret; it is simply too much fun. This year’s cabaret was exceptional. What is normally a hilarious and raucous event was also this year a testament to the phenomenal talent working in small, rural parishes. Our breath was stolen from us in equal measure by laughter and stunned appreciation of the gifts and talents we had only begun to be aware of in the course of the week. At play in performance on the final night of the Conference we had some insight into what we might achieve as sacred performers on Sunday morning.