monumental 2.0

I got some good feedback--thanks!--and I've incorporated much of it. Most of the feedback hit on the same points that I had privately noted for myself. That's good news for me in that other people try and convince me I'm hypercritical. Now I know I'm just right. :) Here's where it currently stands. It looks like it's working toward becoming a clumsy sonnet, but I'm not feeling bound by literary conventions at the moment.

What monument to thee, my God, could convey thy grandeur,
What lofty height of man’s design impart thy grace,
What sparkling glass reflect thy splendor,
Or carvéd rock reveal thy face?
Such follies do men build for thee,
And treasure stores amass,
To mimic thy heavenly beauties
Which all earthly work surpass.
No, no monument to thee will I offer
Nor semblance of thy state will I effect,
But thy image marked on me to all I proffer
In hope thy vessel thou wilt perfect.

I was in bed with the lights off trying to put myself into a happy dreaming attitude and had to get up out of bed to work on this some more. Grumble, grumble, grumble...Great. Now the phone's ringing! Aaargh!!

ply the needle, mother

Lord, help me thread the needle
For my sight has almost gone.
Houses nearly shattered,
the fabric has been torn:
Lord, your bride is tired and weary
And her dress is none too clean.
But I’ll ply the needle, mother,
To mend your tattered seam.

Lord, help me work the needle
Warp and woof are pulled apart:
--doors flung off their hinges
and windows painted shut—
Lord, your children strive for faithful
But are often cruel and mean.
Still, I’ll ply the needle, mother
To mend your tattered seam.

Lord, help me hold the needle
For my joints are stiff and sore.
--brothers in the courthouse
and sisters gone to war!
Lord, my heart is near to breaking
And my fingers crack and bleed.
Still I’ll ply the needle, mother,
To mend your tattered seam.

Lord, help me drive the needle
Through this coarse and ragged cloth.
I can’t see the pattern;
the color’s all but lost...
Lord, please help me drive the needle
And I’ll help reweave the dream.
Then we’ll ply the needle, mother,
To mend your tattered seam.

Yes! We'll ply the needle, mother,
To mend your tattered seam.